Starting again.

Currently I'm with someone, A girl. I'm doubting my ability to make this last. I'm horrible.
You know when you think you have everything all going well? You think that life couldn't be any better and then certain circumstances occur leaving you feeling like you've just witnessed a photograph of your mothers vagina.
It's so hard on me, So so incredibly hard.
Andy(my ex), The Villain.
Mel, The victim.
Asya, The awkward hero that doesn't know what the fuck she's meant to do.
It's been years, YEARS, LITERALLY.
RECAP:
Andy and I had dated when I was in grade 10. He was my first boyfriend. My first kiss. Our parents disapproved and forced us to split up. He is the first person I've ever dumped.

He he practically presents himself to me again. Why. Just why.
I've locked it away for so long. This craving. This want to see him again, these feelings.
And now i'm stuck.
I disgust myself.

My mother discussed things with me a few nights ago. Regarding Mel. I didn't break down crying like i usually do. Instead i sat there, avoiding eye contact, pained expression on my face.
I need to make this last, but i don't want to.
All these thoughts are leading me to constant confusion.
I miss Andy, I miss him so much. Words cannot explain how I feel about him.
And, Mel. Yes, I'm dating her. Yes, I liked her when i committed to this. But, I'm not ready to commit. I'm acting like a douche, everything i say to her is either a joke, a sarcastic witty remark, or something to pass time. To top that off I behave like i'm single, and now i'm with her, i realize how much i cannot even begin to connect with her. We have such different social classes, such different goals, different mannerisms, different sense of humor.
I don't even know what to do, i'm stuck in an infinite loop it seems.