tired.

its sunday morning. 7:08 AM.
listening tooo...

Stay with you - capsule ~

im tired, i hardly got any sleep.thinking too much as usual.that's why
didn't help that i was texting brandan abit.the phone kept blinding me and i almost dropped it in my face.
and wesley is LOL.
too many guys making me smile nowadays. guess i kept your promise Andy, i hope youre keeping mine. i hope youre smiling too.
-sigh-
i just said his name. i havent done that in a while.
and moving onto other things.
i had a dream again.
what was it about?
well, im not sure exactly
he was there, but i dont know who he was
holding my hand, he was a shadow, face blurred
i can't remember things he said, but they made me happy, too happy
he held me in his arms. kissed me.
and then he smiled but i couldnt see his face, just his smile fucck. and i know that smile all too well. im not saying whos smile it wass. =/
but who was it, i dont want to think about who it was i guess?
-sighsighsighsighhhhhhh-
-facepalm-

i miss this affection. i really do. i need someone to hold onto so im sorry if i tend to get abit grabby or clingy. it's just cause im confused. and im not really sure what i want now. im sorry.

ahaha =/

okay so its night now yeah
and i now know you reed my blog. ahh but i will still continue typing pretending i don't know =/
cause i get awkward thinking about it.
- - - - - -o

and im still feeling sick.
my mum decided to make what just happened sound dirty.
me: -starts choking for like 5mins randomly-
and after i finish she goes
mum: so how's your throat (;
me : it hurts?
mum : ahaha i bet it does (;
me : no commment man, youre sick LOLOL.
shes too like comfy talking about dirty shit with me, i like my mum LOL (:

ah theres this guy.
he makes mine and debra's day AHHAHAHAHA. <3
mr 20% MAN. LMFAOLMFAOLMFAO. (insidejoke)

so like, i don't plan on going next week maybe.
only if people are there with me.
otherwise i'll be al loner -sigh-
well, thanh said he was coming. so like (:
trying to convince others to come. not working very good.
i need to help him with his graphics assignment. but im not sure if i do the whole thing, cause then he'll need to return a favour. and im quite demanding . -ahem-
it might go onto the wrong trackk......
i want someone to come but he's probably not coming aww =/ -sigh-
am i a creep?
because i talk about you alot. does that make me weird. i bet it does. i shouldnt talk anymore then. youre probably scared now. and don't want to talk to me anymore.
that's why its awkward now.

fuckk man. so many things on my mind lately yeahh ==
and im too nervous to type things here now. awww kat you fucker LOLOL. you screwed me over.<3 thanks.
all i know is.
shit i dont even know.
i want three people more than anything in this world right now.
but theres only one...that i want?
i just want.... i don't know anymore.
but i still love you , but it's getting hard.
i might have to let go.
just let it all go.
because i want you to be happy.
and you want me to be happy too right?
and because we don't talk, because we can't talk, because i can't see you, because i probably wouldnt even know who you are if i saw you and you wouldnt recofnise me either. maybe it's best if i keep all those memories until i see you again yeah? ):

boy.

thanks to my neighbours celebrating last night i didnt go to sleep until 4am. GOODJOB AND HAPPYBIRTHDAY TO YOU, YOU FUCKER. :D LOL

also, i had the most fucked up dream.
i was a boy.
but not just any ordinary boy.
i was a playboy.
pretty, petite, feminine. i had everything i was popular, banging chicks.
i don't know, my dream was pretty fucked up.
i was hitting on all my friends. asking for sex.
i was a completely different person.
until i realised it wasn't me. i was actually another person, looking through their perspective. because i saw me. a girl, standing there vunerable.
the boy ( me) approached me.
it was like i was watching what was happening, like off a movie.
it was scary.
lots of things happened in my dream.
until, BAM i woke up, i had rolled off my bed and hit the floor.
my eyes were open, i shivered.
but it was only a dream so i did a huge sigh of relief, went and splashed my face with water and then finally went back to sleep.
but another dream happened.
all my friends that are girls were guys.
and all my friends that were guys were girls.
what was with my dreams ?!
STUPID NEIGHBOURS, I BLAME YOU FOR THIS. LOLOL
i can't even begin to go into detail about what happened in my dream but , i'm happy it was a dream. seriously. im happy the last dream was a dream. i hope it never comes true any of what happened.

heartbreaker.

okay so today i was meant to chill with someone, but he was busy with his mates and stuff, so i was like okayfine so i let him go have fun with his mates and just told him to take care and not get into trouble.

my graphics teacher called up my mum claiming i wasnt at school yesterday when i came to school . cunt. im annoyed. frustrating.

-sigh-

i don't know what im doing anymore. seriously ahh
adlcnjiewfbnrfubqioeoheiofrnffkjirhtjiwreodhc
all i know is im losing myself to this feeling. im losing myself alot

sorry. i cut off i was meant to type more.
i had a pretty good day today. stayed at home alot.
i went to nightowl, but like ms mc`carty saw me, i thought she'd call up my parents. but like LOL , i was saved. whatta cool teacher (:

well now onto thigns at school.

people are missing. constantly.
like . not going to put any names but
when hes at school , the other one isnt
and then when the other ones at school, he isnt.
why do they keep doing this. and futhermore.
they'll always suffocates me with attention.
like, unwanted attention.
and because im so used to his attention now, when he doesnt talk to me it makes me feel weird. am i just using him as a replacement for someone else?

it's okay if he wants to be my friend and all but hes really close to me now. i don't mind that much, but some part of me does. he misses me alot too, he might not say it. but i know he does when im not around. or like if he doesnt talk to me, he'll apologise. it's confusing. does he like me?
he'll always talk to me on msn, always asking what im doing, wanting to know whats up. concerned if im sad. why? im not special. i didnt like it when you said i was. it hurt.

he was talking about spares the other day.
this made me LOL
he wished he could have a spare with me so me and him could chill.
i thought that was sweet of him.
but i don't want to be alone with him, theres just something , i get nervous and scared and insecure of what im doing and how i feel. =/ but it's not that i don't want to be with him , hes fun to be around but its fucking up my feelings and thoughts, and i don't knwo what im doing.

a few days ago, i had a good talk with jacob as we partially wagged up to woolies and came back for our math lesson. im glad i talked to him . and i thank him for listening to me. but my bad, theres so much shit he doesnt know about me, it was hard for him to follow. every few seconds he was like ' wait what D: ' i apologised to him for not having talked to him for a while.
thank you. [:

thankyou.

hey, youve made my day today
i just thought i'd let you know.
you know who you are.
rea and someone else. ha [:

okay well, i don't really type as frequently too my blog anymore
maybe because alot of the things now are just not things i want to share with the world you know?
hm,
it's 6:19 pm right now.
nothing much on my mind, apart from you.
im always thinking about you, deepinside you know?
it feels good, to hold onto that memory of that day. when i first met you and we held hands.
i miss the old days. i've changed too much. i wish i was back with you.
i wish i had you.

but now, i have other problems.
so many, so so so many.
always on my mind.
-sigh-
i just hope youre taking care of yourself.
i really hope you are mister.
cause if you don't , who will look after you?
not me, i can't anymore.
even though i want to, i just can't.

goodnight& sweetdreams. im off the net for tonight...
-sigh- let the boredom beginnn ==
oh ps.
i love you , if ''youre'' reading this. please remember that i love you.

it's hard.

omg.
D:
i want final fantasy on xbox360 -wanks-
pang nan shen knows what im going on about ;)

-sigh- i miss you. i havent seen you for a while. i want to hold you and hug you.
touch you..

man, today was like -explode- everyguy i was next to i had the urge to touch them.
that's bad.
-sigh- tomorrow will be worse, i know it.

atleast today i comforted darro. it felt good. it made me happy knowing i was helping him get over stuff. yeah.

happy.

it's a saturday. im happy.

because i know a secret im not supposed to.

i havent been typing to my blog lately.
my bad.

strange.

i still love someone.


ohh i made a formspring.me
www.formspring.me/asyanoobface [:

go , ask me questions ! LOL
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -o

RELATIONSHIPS>
sure, theyre are plenty of fish in the sea.
But you're not anywhere near the sea. You're in the desert. Alone.

i want

you

toy.

so I have this new toy today.
and I'm allowed to play with it to my hearts content, but happiness wont last for long.
this toy might make me happy, but its only a toy.
I don't want a toy, I want more. and more.
I'm greedy, too greedy. it's bad.
the more you give me from you, the more I take.
because I'm toying with you my toy. you're giving me all I want.
and the thing is, your satisfied as long as I'm happy doing what I want with you.

I'm tired though, of all the games.
I'm tired of my heart getting excited, I'm tired of all this strain.
i want more. but i don't.