your clouded mind.

i know that somewhere, deep deep inside your clouded mind, i'm there walking that path.
even though you wont tell me, even though you pull it off like nothing's wrong, i know something is.
I'm trying my best you see, your words aren't making much sense to me, it's confusing.
But, regardless i am trying, trying to get better at helping you.
Yes, yes i do miss you. i meant what i told you, yet i guess all i'm wanting more than anything is for you to be happy. stop being so depressed, it's horrible, it's affecting your health, your sleep and most of all, which also happens to be the worst is it's affecting you.
Make up your mind.

&
Happy birthday Fatty, i've known you for too long woman, 11 yrs + ! LOL
rest in peace tacotaco, your death has affected reannan and made her sad, i hope she's going to feel better.

naive

nothing

nothing is still something, but is generally something that feels like nothing.

naive

you know that feeling you get where you just keep thinking '' this is too good to be true, it doesn't feel real'' and yet you still believe everything's going to be okay, you disregard everyone's worry and you keep smiling like a fool.

guilt

that feeling you get where you feel like vomiting, you want to cry but can't make tears come and you say you're sorry for every little thing.

emptyness

you know something's missing but you can't exactly describe what. you feel lonely and sad.

anger/ jealousy

when you laugh hysterically and take them as a joke, you feel the need to out do them with everything, you make them seem like you're close to them when in fact you are ridden with hateful thoughts.

your smiles towards them cut's deep holes within your heart.

love

understanding.

bleh

www.asyanoobface.deviantart.com
http://asyanoobface.tumblr.com/
http://www.formspring.me/asyanoobface
http://www.asyanoobface.blogspot.com/
http://www.bebo.com/Tobiteatime

-sigh- too much crap, it's becoming annoying and fustrating to try kepe up with everything.

here i am, sitting at school using a proxy to go on facebook & other things (such as this)

i'm so bored lately, things don't feel right.
i keep telling my self i'm going good, what's there to feel guilty about?
but, i still feel like what i'm doing is wrong.
i just,
i miss you.
i miss your smile.
i won't even say i love you anymore, because it hurts.
i jsut wanna remember everything, i just wanna be happy and carefree like it was before.

a long time

so, i haven't been all full hard out internet lately.
neither have a been blogging, at all, hardly, not at all.

so, summing up what's happened lately?

called him, wished him happybirthday, held back my tears then as soon as i hung up i cried.

but, i was happy. happier than ever. i wish he knew how much i missed him.

so, block exams, everyday a little of me was dying.

wednesday cheered me up, i smiled too much, it was a day off exams. SPARE DAY WOO.

embarrassingly on friday, brenda did my hair and put makeup on me, alot of makeup.

But, everyone was exchanging glances with me, telling me cute complements.

I DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO REACT.

i hid myself within the rolled over sleaves in which i held to tightly with my hands from my pull over school jumper. -sigh- but otherwise it was a good finish to a much stressful exam week.

i love it when people you hardly talk to anymore, talk to you, out of the blue, unexpected.

it makes my day, thankyou.

and now, saturday, moon cakes, manga books,

magazine in hand, tissues and....LOL joking

but yeah, i'm bored, super tired. and i told jmichael i'd call him for a little bit, but not too much, because i'm cheap. so, off i go to calling michael, then going to sleep. (:

thihnking.

lately my time sleeping has been spent cuddling up to a pillow to feel warm then full of silence before i can fall asleep.
i started hiding things, alot of things too.
because i'm scared, worried and feel like sometimes it's better off for things not to be said.
i'm still uncertain if i'm making the right choices right now even if i feel like they might be right.
but never the less, i'm working towards becoming a better student at school.
focus is now a major thing i will need to keep.
the gifts i bought for everyone, i see them be used, a smile comes across my face from cheek to cheek.
the amount of happiness i feel for my friends is everlasting, all i have to do is see them happy and i'm happy too.

i'm quite naive though, I've been told this often.
but, i look to the better side of things rather than the worst.
i wonder what adventures tomorrow will bring..

i didn't get to talk to the dove today, yet i saw the sparrow. i wonder what's happening now, i don't want to loose the birds that now feel like mine. LOL

sparrow

i saw the sparrow today, i hadn't seen the sparrow in 2 months.
he came up to my window, smacking into the side, he's gotten rather chubby lately.
i laughed but felt slighty 'ouch' because it looked like it hurt.
he sits there and waits for a moment, getting up and chirps happily.
i wanted him to stay, i love his feathers, so soft and jet black.
but just as quickly as he gets up, he flyies away.
i hope i'll see you tomorrow little sparrow, you make me smile (:

i had a good day at school, i almost forgot what it felt like to be surrounded by everyone, but deep inside i felt sad. i can't explain it it just seemed like something was missing.

in my first class, which was japanese, i had nothing to do because it was exam block so i waited as time passed by till lunch. within this time i could only think this saying : ''simple is best''
it made me realise, despite feeling how i how to enjoy the rest of the day how it comes and keep a smile on my face.
also, i'm really loving my new lego block piece erasers O:

and rea called me on my home phone now telling me about her adventure to break into her house through the doggy door LMAO. my day has just gotten better (:

advice.

yesterday i got good advice just before i went to sleep.

today was a really long day for me, it involved me getting a brand new study desk though !

i'm really excited and i should be setting it up soon later on at night or something and then decorating it and things.

i should be getting my laptop fixed tomorrow too, so i'm very happy. -insert love heart-

went to garbo, i swear i thought i saw wesley == . but i guess not LOOL

there was this guy that was standing behind me when i was smelling these mens perfumes and things and i was like '' ah ~ something smells really reallyyyy good in this area''

and then the asian guy that works there was like '' ah, that'd be me ;) ''

i turned around abit embarrassed and started laughing.

he made my day :L .

anyways, i have to go to a craft store tomorrow and also buy cute little magnets for my new magnet board. -sigh- busybusy. i hope i am going to be ready for school ! i'm so nervous but i can't wait :D

black people.

recently i've wondered why all the black ( a more politer way is 'darker toned skin') people are cool.

i don't know why it is, and yet they always are.

they don't have to actually be of an African american heritage, i mean just darker skinned people in general, Viets, Chinese, some even dark skinned Japs and Koreans ! O: . but never the less, they are always cool.

therefore there must be this formula

black people = cool.

but sometimes it can also equal

black people = douche.

as i have come across many of them that take it too far.

this also has lead me to think about why there is something so wrong about black people and white people getting married.

it's merely a skin tone difference, and racial.

but this leads back to being racist and not having acceptance.

but then again, people have come to accept gay marriage, so why is there something so wrong about two different sex people with different skin colour getting married.

i rest my case.

To end this, I am in no way being racist. I am not a racist person.

wow

so, im back from overseas and i feel great.
amazing cold weather!
so i've been 16 for like 9 days now, and i still don't really feel any different, but my parents are treating me like i'm more responsible now. so, i appreciate that.

havent written to my blog for a awhile so LOOL.
hm where to start. well i had trouble sleeping, which isnt unusual
5am ( managed to finally get to sleep) and well only woke up 30 minutes ago (12:pm afternoon)

well, atleast i sleep in late now, which is somthing i've always wanted to achieve somehow but never could :L . LOL

i miss my uncle i think, overseas trip was really incredible to be honest, it's so different from australia and makes me realise that we should never take what we have for granted cause we very well could be better off in so many ways.

i cant wait until i can talk and see my friends, it has been far to long.
hope everyone is taking care (: byebye.

lenthy.

so, i haven't written to my blog for a while as things have been distracting me lately.
not only has writing to my blog become more rather time consuming then a fun way to remind myself of memories or other such past events, but also my asshole of a brother right now is making rather annoying sounds to piss the shit out of me so i better type this quick.

things a girl does when shes bored ;

monday;

5am : sleeping
7 am : woke up, looked around, went back to sleep
10:45 am : finally woke up & walked outside for no reason, starred blankly at the sky for a brief moment thinking, went back inside.
10:47 am : sat down, slowly poured a bowl of cocopops and ate it quite happily. nothing better than a sugar rush to start off my day.
11 am : went into my dads room, told him two words " i'm bored'' & then walked out into the loungeroom. finding a strawberry shortcake puzzle, approx 26 pieces, i started to put it back together.
after completeing the puzzle in 8 minutes, i put my head under the glass coffee table and began constructing it from underneath the table, took me a while.
12 pm : found a rubix cube and it was all jumbled up, instead of taking the time to fix it, i decided to take even more time and effort to take the whole thing apart, and put the pieces back in correct colour order.
in which after this i went to my room, and resumed sleeping, my dad came into my room at 1pm and rudely woke me up with childish duck -quackquack- sort of noises. i got pissed and threw my pillow at him, we yelled at eachother, this went on for about 10minutes of me calling him stupid in my half-asleep daze. then ended up getting dressed.

2pm : parents left the house to go shopping or someshit i don't know cause i didnt bother to pay attention. so my brother and i were left at the house and i went on the laptop.
5pm : finally got off the laptop, chilled out and read yaoi & had shower.
etcetc.

tuesday ;

11am : woke up, ate eggs.
12:15 pm : had a shower.
1:35 pm : went on laptop, talked to jacob about pokemon full on for a while. talked about other random shit, talked to craig, kat, rea, cathy, jemimah & michael. went on fb for abit
6pm: got off laptop . etcetc

this also involved quite alot of time and life wasted on pokemon. cudos to the creator.

wednesday today ;

^ read above last thing regarding pokemon, pretty much what i did all day.
went on msn, msn started stuffing up, cbf, went on meebo.
went on fb got bored. started reading yaoi.

one week? ha.

so, i'm still currently in turkey and im staying in a 2 star hotel, it's so so. only enjoying it because of the aircon.
i thought about things, and whilst thinking i thought " oh shit, right now my studies and school marks or probably failing me hardcore !'' and i really wouldnt be wrong in saying this. my bitchy ass of an art teacher emailed my mum saying i'll be getting a D on my half way report, why you ask? because of the fact i cannot subit work whilst im overseas, very unfair, but nevertheless !
also most likley i will be getting D's in english and maths,( same reason, as i cannot subit work) .
ohh poo. =/

today well,
i pretty much just purchased a designer bag.
Chanel bag to be precise, and it's not a fake either. real leather.
fuckshitballsfuckpenis, i'm so happy! :D
and hlysht, I'm obsessed with designer items.
i also purchased a louis vitton bag, although this one is fake, knock off plasticy; but stylish.

i still need to go to other branded stores and purchase an LA cap for my friend, and possibly other items for other friends of mine too, as well as plushie toys for lalaine, and other items i promised to buy for everyone else.

so far so good, although time difference is interfering with communication hrm.
i hope everyone is taking care of themselves (:

overseas.

gypsies that beg you for food and money, oh goodie ! -rolls eyes-

so , the men are creepers.
i was mistaken for candy on the sidewalk in which every man was interested in.
. ffs
on a street that has roughly 500 people pass within every 10 minutes. the ammount of guys that look at you would roughly be 100+. this is absolutely disgusting, to have worn clothing which covers alot and stıll get looked at?! i must be so fucking outsider. D:
to all outsiders, there is a special item to wear that will ward off pedos, it is called a paperbag, wear it.

well, the only place i feel at home here is the japanese store and the internet cafes. LOOL.
i miss everyone, i cant even begin to describe how much i miss everyone.
i've been so depressed lately, because i have lacked communication with all my friends.
i really hate the time difference here. and the fact i never seem to be able to get online at the right times. but i have figured it all out ! , when it's roughly 7am here, ıt'd be lıke afternoon/ 2pm ish in australia soo hence i have decided to get on in the morning to talk to everyone.

and i really could not care less about who reads this blog but , andy i miss you alot.
words cannot descrıbe just how much i miss you but chances are you've maybe forgotten about me now.
i just wish i could see you or talk to you.

but right now everything i want is impossible, being overseas isnt at all that great so far.

i miss you already

well, as all my friends would have known today was my last day at school for 2 months as i am going overseas.

this morning seemed somewhat blank, i didn't know what to feel it just didn't feel real at all.

Brenda kept me company for the majority of the day

talked to Kat and judy today,said goodbye and things

Kat's holding onto my 2pm magazine, she better take good care of it ): LOL . , judy hugged me, i didn't hug kat when i said goodbye to her after school i really should have, i regret not doing so .

rohan hugged me, i got many hugs today,

realization struck me as it neared closer towards the end of school. said goodbye to jacob, and told him to not eat cake without me. ( inside joke)

i had to stay back for music, i stayed so late, brandan and darro waited for me. thankyou very much.

we walked out all together, and darro found a trolley, he pushed me in the trolley down the street for a little bit, it was so cool. :L

after we reached the traffic lights brandan had to say goodbye, i became really sad inside, he goes '' wheres my hug'' i hugged him, and i told him to take care.

darro walked me alot more of a further distance to my house, we walked and talked about things, made me laugh, he stopped, i realised he needed to go home, he hugged me tight, ''i'll miss you asya'' to which i replied '' i'll miss you too, take care of yourself ah? '' i kept walking, futher, then stopped, i felt my face going hot, i rubbed my eyes, that's right i started to cry.

sudeen saddness hit me. i said to myself '' i miss you already ''

i really wish everyone the best and hope they take care of themselves, this is for

Brandan, Darro, Kat, Judy, Rohan, Eunice, Bessie, Natacha, linda, Abby, Reannan, Kylie, Sumie, Johanna, Kenny, Lalaine, Nikkii, jc, craig, jordan, jacob, loriz, richard, rickii, Brenda, Jayke, Thanh, Thuan, Fatty,Henry,John lee, Katherine, Khang, Renae, Sion, warren, Jane, Angela, Sarah, Adilya, Dan, Tommy, Wesley, Jemimah, Jackie, Elissa, Andy, Michael and anyone else that has ever met me or been nice to me , thankyou all and bless you !

productive.

today i have spent my day doing hardly next to nothing.

i have had a productive day, downloading mangas for over 6 + hours of today, being quite the anti social one LOL.

im still sick, and i got into an argument over drinking some vile tasting liquid my baba had bought for me. -sigh- , i'm having to drink to now though -heavy sigh- . decided to pour a shit load of honey into it, bad idea. it created a new taste, although this taste i can stand more, it's still quite disgusting.

hm i'm forcing myself to get better, and refraining for coughing alot. im going to school tomorrow, this will be my last week before i go.

gyrados

wednesday ;

i was excited. i went to the park with cookie.
he brought me meteor cookies he'd made/baked himself. i was so disappointed though, the park had been graffittid. the slide at the park had a spraypainted gyrados on it, i LOLed but tsk'd.
i had to go early == , it was gayyy , i didn't even know i had a japanese exam. i was stressed, i couldnt even study for it. ahhh, i know i didn't go to well.

thursday ;
jordan was at school today, talked to him and stuff.
had to stay after school to do my music assignment with the teacher.
jason was there. it was cool i guess. (:

saw judy & darro, went to nightowl fish/chips store and chilled there with them for abit. :D
brenda calls me mummy, cause i look after everyone. ROFL

friday ;

im sick. all it took was wednesday night to sleep with the fan on while my hair was damp.
darro was eating my throat losenges like they were lollies. LMAO , crazy guy, hes not even sick.
i had a good day today, last lesson had brandan in my maths class (: . and ateng and me had to sit next to eachother. methias was paying me & ateng out. fucking idiot. == .
methias : what?
ateng : what? oh sorry , i got your 5 dollars for your mum aye (;
methias : atleast my mum aint free .

LOL. best come back ever.
i want to sleep, or something too tired lately. i miss people, i will miss everyone . im going overseas soon. im nervous. im scared.

stuck.

yesterday , was good i guess. LOL
was waiting at brown plains doctors for like 4hours+ .
jack Reynolds was there, HA. he saw me.
we kept awkwardly looking at each other & he'd keep laughing. he came and sat down next to me. we haven't actually talked for a whole year.
we were reminiscing over middle school days . ahahaha.
it was cool and funny.

got injections for hep A, somethingsomething and FLU shot thing.
hurts like a bitch.
my right arm makes me feel like a sped. going all retarded when i tried grabbing a cookie out of the cookie jar. it just hurt so much to move it.

today was so so.
talked to jacob and brenda. (:
it was good.
talked to brandan in sap. (: etcetc
maths class ; I FINALLY TALKED TO CHRIS. i managed to get him to speak. he like never speaks. LMAO :L

hm.
jemimah, im worried about her.
she came to my house jsut about one hour ago, in tears.
i had ot help her recollect herself. i hope shes okay.
being my noob self, i apologised for no reason.

answer

i don't know if 'you' read my blog.
i don't know if you'll ever know this, but you haven't not once been forgotten.
i still care. you're always on my mind, i'm always curious. it's just different now.
i've grown more mature with how to handle my problems, i do everyday.
it's quite shoking actually.
i even had to reject a 13 year old yesterday. ouch on that kids poor heart.
but a golden star to his original pick up line , made me laugh so hard .

i don't know what it is anymore, i just keep going on about life.
i like the way it is now. i really do. so just smile if you're reading this, cause i'm smiling too.
i don't really know what to say, i miss you and always will, but im going on about my life.
before i'd try not to get myself down and think about anything to do with you at times. but the memories make me smile now. so it doesn't matter anymore. i'm stronger now.
take care mister

friday

today was good, brandan talked to me more.i wish him a happy birthday and gave him a birthday hug. it didn't make me feel so lonered cause we were talking.
so confused about this whole 'c' thing, talked to jacob about it. farout =/ .
ran into Jordan today on several occasions, he keeps stuffing up his tie and then i questioned him today '' why do you keep stuffing it up? so messy == ''
and he responds '' because that way you can tie it for me everyday ''
and i went silent and then said '' oh is that right? LOL ''
and then like he'll keep walking me to the front gate, and making up an excuse like ' oh my step mums there shes gonna pick me up, so yeah '' or some crap, but after i pass the gate, i turn around and he looks back and gives me his trademark goofy smile and walks off .
i sigh heavy and laugh thinking ''not again.''

--------------------------o

suddenly, without warning, without reason;
that hopeful spark; that glowing instinct dies.

once more the wind cools her heart,
that station long stopped running,
the course, the passage, closed;
heart station froze.

going away, she'll be back safe
then she'll start clean, brand new slate,
day by day that whisper, that single urge, becomes stronger;
that crippled delicate voice, innocent, more urgent with despair.

She doesn't understand, all meaning refuses to reach her,
baffled she waits, quiet, no words nor emotion,
all she knows is her heart station froze.

collection

wednesday -

walked to school, wasn't able to text craig because of lack of credit.

had a rage fit.

went in middle school to library with friends (: , saw jordan ended up fixing his tie for him and his shirt collar. that silly boy, so untidy ==. he hugged me and said thankyou. and then tried giving jemimah a trippy hand shake, and she was all like

'' -watches hand movements in amazement- dayummmm!''

he said byebye to me and jemimah & gave me another hug D:

there was new elective signups, was thinking of signing up with judy & kat .

ended up staying back with them cause i had nothing better to do.

craig texted me , made me 'awww' . used judys phone to text back, he replied made me go 'awww' again. ==

i hate sweet texts.

thursaday -
well, today started off somewhat lame.

but i had graphics class with bessie :D , chris and i gave eachother somewhat strange/awkward glances. we never talk , apparently i'm too quiet so he's too scared to talk to me.

i had a good jap class with henry (:

music class was next, it seemed abit dull, jordan was missing.

i was pretty quiet, until angela and natacha started talking to me whilst we were doing piano/keyboard practice work ! FINALLY! O:

i enjoyed playing it, although it made me somewhat blank minded and i zonned out alot. =/

had spare session & then went home.

kat and abby ended up coming over, kat was going to DIE if she didnt have the superjunior 4th album, so i was downloading it for her. LMAO. and within that time we were having conversations outside, one of which involved kat spilling the cup of water i had given her, and the splat opn the floor was in the shape of a uterus. she ended up seeing my dad goddammit ROFL.

he left the house to go pickup my mum from work and then kat and abby both came inside & went in my messy room == god damn you abby for looking at my bras ! and LMFAO at how you compared it to your chest and then Kats !

ahh today is good , i had a goodtime (:

jelly.

day started off with waking up at 9:00am.
received a text from abby and then i responded. but i wasn't allowed to go out with her.
and i told her not to go alone.
i went to sunny bank plaza with my baba today.
we went to watch iron man2.
i saw heaps of people from like ccc, and i was trying my best to hide .
saw Bessie, Joanna and it made me smile.
went a bought food to eat/ had a nice bubbletea (strawberryblendedice/rainbowjelly) and then i spotted rohan and natacha. and i was like 'kekeke' -runs- and rohan spotted me giggling. and he was like HEYYY!!!
and then i gave natacha a quick hug and said byebye.
i was walking around and saw that ashiiee chick. hm.
& ended up buying a new jumper/jacket with stars on it. it's so cute.
then i ended up going to gardencity. and like bought stuff for my mum for mothers day. saw the sluts from ccc, ignored them.
and then i saw abby walking away from the bubbletea store and i was like ABBYY!! and we talked, and she wasn't alone, she was with her bro and other friends. good girl (:
then i went to breadtop and got yummy pastrys, and taro buns. mmm ^___^

rahrahrah

generally i enjoy my last class , maths.
yet it was opposite today.
some cunt thought he could steal my ipod. and when i knew it was missing, i accused him. and i was right.
he thought he'd get away with it, and called me a stupid bitch. then to further my already anger and frustration he unzipped his pants, and flashed me saying " FUCKING CHECK ME ".
asshole.
i called him a fucking cunt.
& i ended up getting my ipod back.
i hate maths class now. (:

walked home in ignorance of others around me. silence was what i needed.
has cooled off now. not ever leaving things in my bag again.

fob guy.

i had a good day today,

graphics class first up,

then break/ hadtogotojapclassnomorebailingwithhenry. LOL.

jap teacher was pissed with me but it was cyber rarastupidchildrara.

when she knows im smart & all.

music class ; had to get split up into groups.

was with jordan, john mika and Jason.

talked / met jordan for the first time & he was being so super nice to me.

random acts of kindness make the day better .

got home & was in the best chipper mood ever. today has been on of the greatest days i've had in a while.

drank apple juice.

ate grapes.

tired

had a long day today,

had art class , did work,

had math class, it was good, till jacob left . he's now in prevoc math, how homo D:

had some weird assembly thingo & after that i went to middle school.

then i stayed with kat & judy & rickii at their elective cause i cbfed going home cause there's nothing to do.

shit loads of homework to do ; i'll get it done, an all nighter (; !

/distract.distract 'nu abo' plays in background /distract. i love rnb and kpop&jap songs now, it's become my life . song are always there for me when no one else is (:

note

blahblahblahblah

elephant

kiana managed to put a smile on my dile after a somewhat shitty return to my house.

eunice returned from overseas (:

music class was lamee ,

english class was fun, kenny and i sat next to eachother . i wrote in his organiser and filled out a sickslip note thingo and wrote random stuff ahaha .

sucks that he'll be lonered when he comes back from overseas cause i'll be gone overseas LOL.

after school i was walking & richii saw me, and i gave him an awkward smile and looked away, and i looked back up and he smiled again & he was like, ''asyaaaa, do you have anymoneyyy? ''

and we talked- ish over the whole money thing.

so i ended up giving him all the spare change i had. :L

glad to know we can be normal around eachother. hmm.

jai talked to me today & made strange accusations that i watch porn in school. and i walked away. well actually i ran to my dads car. ahaha. it was raining and making my hair shitty. >>

came home & saw shit i didn't want to see . got angry, got pissed, got the shits.

fbed my anger.

is what homo`s do best (:

kiana started talking. anger is gone now, somewhat.

oh 3

hm. slept abit longer than i thought i would, strange dream, reallyreally strange dream prevented me from waking up.

last night i talked to kat, rohan, rea, tommy & michael (:

probably staying home today
can't be stuffed going out anywhere, not even if i want chips from the asian seafood store.

Listening to 2pm - i hate you
& katlikesweiners.
& reannanlikesvagina.

sun

the the sun was in my eyes when i woke up this morning after a somewhat horrifying dream.
i looked to my phone, no messages, no calls. i checked the time it was 11am.
i thought i'd go and splash my face to help me snap out of it.

went to garden city. bought sushi and the new apprentice guy behind the guy serving me wouldn't stop starring at me, and i was like -ah i wantthisthis, okaythankyou uhh byebye have a nice day- and the guy was like, ''wait your change '' and i turned back around more flustered than ever and embarrassed, and then other guy giggled and smiled at me and i was like farout.
and there was this black guy checking me out when i went into woolies i LOLed .
i texted Abby, and texted some more and some more.
I've been talking to her pretty much all day.

went to this special jewellers place, looked at sapphires, opals and all other gems, it was amazing absolutely stunning.

got home, did chores. realised it was the 1st of may.
now just chilling and watching rugby.

slow.

today has been good, better than most days with a side of interesting.

talked to kenny on msn for the first time today. he's LOL.
talked to jc, kat, dana, tommy

omgpoping with tommy (:

had eng test today.
maucked around & sung sailormoon,pokemon and powerpuff theme songs with jordan (Y)
we aced that test fo sure. :D

maths class was fun as today.
ateng and ashley and jacob were just fcking LOL.
i always love firday maths classes, too bad jacobs moving classes D:

counting down the days till i go overseas. about a month now. i don't want to go.

fun

today was good,
despite most of it being spent in sickbay.
i got my credit re-charge today.
i was texting tony and tim and daniel.

my fringe went retarded when i walked ot school, so i had to tie my hair back to make it look better == LOL.

i met the new guy kenny.
he's cool , made me laugh.

good

last night i comforted tony.
mm.

i hope hes feeling abit better now, even thought im not really a close friend of his or anything.

LOL my dad was freaking out,
'' why you talkto guys more than girls ''

'' theyre not gonna rape me jeez''
-glare-
-returns glare-
'' hoi okayokay , sorry talktalk go do what teenagers do ''

listening to take your shirt off, makes me wanna take my shirt off LMAO.
watched pucca, almost finished reading boku no futatsu tsubasa
and was onto sex=love2 but it was alll mindless sex, rea was right, it gets boring after a while.

probs being going brownsplains soon. depends if i feel like it
today is a good day (: all smiles.

ahh

it's cold,
no one home but me

cooking dinner time

stirfry with bokchoi sounds good. (:

amazing.

tommys pro hack. i gamed with him, whatta asshole LOL
didnt do much today,
stayed home alone ~
gamed, fbed , msned
read meanga (:

then when i thought i'd get up for abit off the laptop
all of a sudden needed to eat and had a strong urge to pee.
my laptop is too distracting. LOL


bus-ing it to brownsplain tomorrow :D
i wanna go game traders and buy and charger & games for my nintendo gameboy sd :D
miss the good old pokemon games. ahaha.

doesn't matter . - song written by asya ( crappy (: )

take that step,
take that breath,
let it go,
let's all go

to the beyond,
let's all be strong
let's keep those dreams,
it's not as it seems

never, never, never, never, never ever never never let it gooo
never, never, never, never, never, ever never let it showww

let's go on, let's begin,
let that smile shine

cause who will know, who you are
if you keep hiding

let it glow, let you know, that you're still beautiful
cause it doesnt, no it doesnt, no it doesnt matter at all.
cause it doesnt, no it doesnt, no it doesnt matter at all anymore...

you're different now,
you wear that scowl,
you always were the one
the one to shy away

but be as it may, i'll see your smile
i'll hold that heart,
make sure that you're okay.

never, never, never, never, never, never ever never let it goo
never, never, never, never, never, never ever never let you goo

cause you are what you are, never let them tear you apart.
so let's go on , let's begin
let that smile shine !

cause who will know, who you are
if you keep hiding

let it glow, let you know , that you're still beautiful
cause it doesnt, no it doesnt, no it doesnt matter at all,
cause it doesnt, no it doesnt, no it doesnt matter at all anymore.
i'm still with you.

change

hey you

i miss talking to you

we were friends weren't we?

i don't know if we're both avoiding each other but you seem happier talking to your other friends rather than me.

I have said nothing because there is nothing I can say

i'm to scared to talk to you because i feel you don't want to talk to me anymore.

but i'm honestly not avoiding you.

i've come to the conclusion that alot of things lately, have been directed at me.

at my mistakes, at me in general.

the groups youve joined on facebook.

i'm too insecure, and this probably makes you hate me.

see, i'm doing it again, i feel like you hate me.

it's eating away at me.

someone told me you weren't a good person.but you've never done anything bad to me.

but i'm just plain confused now. have i done something? have i really done something so bad that could be causing you at act like this?

what have i even done to you?

because not only do you not talk to me now, but neither does brandan.

so what is going on?!

but you know what

for now, i think i'm probably going to become cold to alot of people.

i'm sick of being so nice and gentle

fuck it

i always knew i'd be losing things, but i just didnt want to lose you as a friend, but now it feels like its too late.

youre the best thing that ever happened to me, so is kat. always helping me. and im always so blind.

argh.

overslept

not in a good mood

oh just to clarify , the icecoffee i drank yest was kats.

going school soon.

have a blank minded day.

still sick.

i can feel it in my throat. stfu :D

tired. so tired. nothing works. lack of sleep. overtiredness.

nothing makes sense, blank mind, lack of thoughts.
lack of sense. no sense. no feeling. emptyness.

everything

i added this guy named tony nguyen,

he knows kiana, my friend.

i'm to scared to talk to him though D: LOL

but he ssems like a nice guy.

missed someone ...

had a good day, went and stayed with judy and akt at their elective, lachlan , kenny and rickii.

jsut walked across the street kat, judy and rea were there. they saw me in my pjs.

i drank someones icecoffee.

tasted good :L

LOL

kinda stuffing around abit, needa get started on my graphics assignment.

still sleepy.

last night -

msned ,
talked to jacob (: , kat, joel, rea, fatty (: , tommyLOL, michael (: .
-sigh-
had a good talk with jacob, talked about mister pedo with fatty haha :L
i was just so tired,
proof read over some of michaels communictaion word document,
my eyes went faily on me. needed sleep. so went to bed. said i'd help him do the rest today later on tonight, i will , can't forget need to remember.
tommy shared songs with me again, tommys cool .
he kept telling me tim missed me and talks about me non-stop. LOOL .
i think tim should hurry up and not be capped :L
-

blah, today will be interesting,
- handing in maths assignment
- ragey art class with ragey bitchy art teacher that needs to chill & fcking get laid
- gonna help jacob do his maths assignment

thoughts.

I've decided to make my blog more diary like.

and also, I've decided to purchase a book and use it as a more 'confidential diary' as i feel i need to relieved my thoughts and feelings to something.

yesterday you asked me how i was, i said the truth ' i'm sick'

but my sickness wasn't just physical, the pain in my stomach was only the beginning of it.

i feel that somewhere mentally i'm unwell.

i over think things too much, i'm sure alot of people hate me for my mistakes.

i can tell i annoy certain people too.

it's all my fault.

i'm foolish.

you told me to get well soon, i replied 'thankyou' although typing (: , it was not enough to convey the actual warmth of my smile.

you asked me what i was doing tomorrow, i said ''school, maybe, if i feel like it, if i feel better.''

we talked more, the longest talk that we'd had in weeks.

you told me you'd possibly be leaving school and that your parents want you to do tafe.

awkwardly i confessed ' i'll miss you'

but i added onto it so the meaning wasn't misconstrued.

you went and laughed,

i said i had to go you went ' aw cya tomorrow.'

i responded with ' okay (: bye '

we had last session together, your chair was empty.

you never showed up. but it's no surprise ahaha. so it didn't bother me.

besides i talked to (john)mika and hoezae so it was all cool i guess. ahaha

it's become harder.

school work is stressful.

i'm horrible, i'm nothing.

something is wrong with me. something.

sigh.

im sick.
havent been to school much lately.
i'm probably attending tomorrow.

even if im still feeling sick.
-sigh-
im stressed, when im stressed my emotions start going weird.
argh
i started gaining weight.
i can feel it , on my legs, on my stomach.
its depressing LMAO.
i don't want to get fat again like grade 7. fatty knows what im talking about AHAHAHA.

msning/ fbing
talking to tommy & kat (:
reading virgin na kankei
listening to ' like a star' again ! LOL <3

like a star ♪

lately i've been talking to jevan, whatta funny guy.
(:
it's amazing how much he cares, its incredible actually.
hm, it's interesting. i enjoy it.

and tommy linked me to all these good songs, and techno
and im in love with '' like a star ''
he dared me to get timmy to sing it over the phone to me.
ahaha !

it lacks you

I'm deep in thought lately. always thinking
always drifting into my own little world.

constantly in my head there is you.
but surrounding you there is atrt and two more t, m. ):
what is wrong with me !

Evidence never lies.

what evidence..... do you have proof to follow up what you've claimed?
i do not need you.
i really do not need you.

dehweuioyhfuierw

ahh

this world confuses me, full of ridicule; full of judgement.
and seemingly enough, the majority of my classes are filled with 'you'
you're in my mind, your on my mind alot.
this really pisses me off, because it's clouding my original thoughts and feelings i have strongly for another person.
i have an attraction to you though,
not that of which i think 'i love you' tsk it's much smaller than that, this slight attraction because I'm trying to figure you out. i find you to be very interesting. this annoys me because i'm very curious about you. this confuses me. you confuse me, fuckingdick.
i study your movements, habits ; way of communicating to others
you change your ways when you're around me. why?
aren't i just like everyone else?
or is it something more than that...
you're a monkey, i wish you'd go away. but i think you're not going any time soon. ffs

i've been listening to all my old music lately, clazziquai is within this mix.
it brings back memories, too many memories.
but they all make me smile. i don't know why.

nice one guys .

today i was pranked.
kat, abby and rea were all in on it.
someone got dared to either confess love to joel or me.
of course, they chose me !
i believed it, and then they called me. and were laughing.
far out. not cool guys LMAO.
i was freaked out for a sec alittle bit. but i knew it was some kind of joke or something.

and randomly at the shops today, this man working at ikea was like
''miss you dropped something''
lady - SCREW YOU MFCCKKERRR.
she probs thought he was trying to get her to bend over. AHAHAHA

-slept in the car
- ate jelly
- msning / fbing
bleh ;

you fail baba.

i talked to you today on msn, you ignored me for a while. i realised this.
well, ignore might be too harsh of a word but let's just say you've been caught up with things and very busy that you've forgotten i existed. LOL
hence choice of wording i should probably stick with 'ignored'.
you're happier now that this girl is in your life. i wish you good luck.-thumbs up- (:

my father was hooking up his new surround system, and all that other crap. apparently it's really expensive. i went to look at it , and he went 'hoi, it's my baby, dun touch'
me : ....== i see how this is.

while he was hooking up the cables and shit, he turned the power off. smart move.
lost all my assignment and everything, cause i was working on it and forgot to save and was almost finished. haa. great. hours of work, lost.
he goes ' im sorry'
me : - CRIES -
baba : WHYS SHE CRYING, WIFE, WHY? SHE DOESNT USUALLY CRY
mum : it's cause shes sick, she gets sensitive.
me : IM NOT CRYING ARGH. effort, headache,pain, so much effort wasted. thanks. thanks so much ):
baba : OMGSH YOU KNOW WHAT? I'LL BUY YOU A CHUPPA CHUP ! KAY?
me : ....LOL ):

mirror

there's a girl at school, she's stuck in that crowd. yet she's very much by herself at times.
she's not popular. really , she's not, even though she looks like it.
recently she's made many friends, it's affecting her very much.
she hides things very well, hides her feelings, hides things too well sometimes.
too many guys surround her, they scare her.
make her nervous, anxious ; frightened.
she never tells anyone this. never.
she wants to many things but never asks. she doesn't want to be greedy.
she always pulls that happy face, it's quite sad actually.
she only wants to be normal, she doesn't like attention, any talent she has she feels insecure about and tries best not for people to notice it.
whenever someone compliments her on how she is/her personality/her looks she thinks
''it's a lie''
she has lost alot of trust.
shes too kind, she gets used alot.
she crys alot every night, she bottles up so much emotion, when shes stressed she becomes antisocial. void of emotions.
everyday i see her, she looks at me with those eyes.
she takes alot of days off school though, she's too fragile and gets sick often.
I've seen her cry. I've been there for her as she sat beside me, her tissue bow in her lap, occasionally pausing as she reminisces.
she smiles. i watch her. i watch her smiles fade.
shes changed.
she loves someone, hes special to her.
she loves everyone though.
her biggest fear is the thought of forgetting something. she hates forgetting. thats why she always remembers things, even if it brings her pain.
shes scared of a boy at school his hair the same colour as hers.
scared that he'll make her 'ugly'
but she already is 'ugly' in her eyes.
she thinks alot, about anything about everything all the time, every day.
when shes sick she fights herself, she becoems stubborn to rest.
she loves to read . she loves to write. she loves to draw.
she loves watching others moments of happiness, it make her day instantly good. just seeing someone smile makes her smile slightly.
she hates to be alone at times.
she loves jokes, she likes to laugh and have fun.
she likes silence. actions speak louder than words.
she likes senery,she loves the clouds. she loves the way clouds can take any shape or form and not be judged.
shes too soft at heart, too sensitive, too kind, too easy.
not many people know the 'real' her. not many.
but i see her everyday.

bleh

woke up.
felt bleh
went to school
still felt bleh
signed out, feel sick
at home now.

feel like crap. hm

clutter.

So it’s my second day back at school.

Quite uneventful

- art class

- math class

Only had two classes today, best days of the week is Wednesday’s and Thursday’s for me. Cause every Thursday I have a spare (:

-sigh-

Grades this term aren’t too good. I haven’t been focusing and stuffing around, I’m the only one to blame for this.

I need to focus with every other one of my upcoming tests/assignments from now on. FOCUSFOCUS. STUDYSTUDY.

Therefore I will probably be on blog/face book/msn a lot less.

Assignments,

Maths, art

Helped dayna do her art assignment, I had nothing else to do.

It was , utterly gross, the amount of plaster and sticky crap we ahd to use.

Dayna : ASYA, HELP ME

Me : ohmygod dayna, let me first wash off all this weird white stuff off my hands

Travis : AHAHAHA, WHITE STUFF !

Me : what….OH YOU’RE SICK. It’s paster thingie ah D:

Completion of art assignment, almost done , will be finished when mum comes back to help me sew/stuff my project.

Basically it is two stuffed cherries both attached to a stem which intertwines in the shape of a heart.

Maths assignment, should have it completed by either early this morning, or tomorrow night.

Basically it is ‘planning on overseas holiday’

We have to map out our routes and other such events which will take place, calculating cost etcetc.

I’m majorly pushing myself today. I have too.

I hate the new laptop system at our school, having to sign in and off on the sheet upon every usage of a laptop. Ugh.

Tried to help Ateng fix the laptop but it kept stuffing up.

Ateng : oi, it's like seriously not working man shitt

Me: - tires fixing shit, gives up after a minute- um LOL , it's cause you're black

Ateng : aw man, that's it i'm outta here, you're racist man

me : ah , i'm sorry LMAO

Ateng : dude, im kidding, it's aight

me : LOL :L but the laptop still isn't working ahaha.

Helped Jacob Ha do some of his maths assignment last session, corrected his wording, other stuff.

He was like

“You really like doing assignments don’t you?”

“No—I guess I just like to help people do assignments. And I guess well I do do other peoples assignments for them , but I don’t like getting things in return for stuff cause like it always ends up being something weirdish or yeah –begins to mumble- ”

“Ohh, ahaha I see (:”

day back

-sigh- holidays went slow, but ended up going away too fast.

first day back at school, just came home now.

currently eating yogurt LOL.

today was interesting , exhausting?

most of all;

i avoided alot of guys....for certain reasons that i will not explain further here =/

ranga Daniel spoke to me in English today he's LOL.

Daniel : Asya -glare-

me : yeah?

Daniel : no , you're doing it wrong, Asya -glare-

me : oh, Daniel -glare-

Daniel : ASYA -glare-

me : DANIEL -glare-

teacher : CUT IT OUT

and he borrowed my duckie pen, which quacks when you press down on it.

and all through out class all you could hear was -quack,quackqwuackquackquack-

miss someone.

-sigh-

oh well, school will take my mind off things (:

funny guy

[4:18] Tim - Asya(L):
of course i love you more,

[4:19] Tim - Asya(L):
your my angel,

[4:19] - asya (F) tim ♥

why am i your angel?

[4:19] - asya (F) tim

♥

tell me ;P

[4:21] Tim - Asya(L):
because your my knight in shinning armor?

[4:21] Tim - Asya(L):
i have no idea what i just said,

[4:21] Tim - Asya(L):
hahas

[4:22] - asya (F) tim

♥

LOLOLOLOLOL.

[4:34] Tim - (L)Helen,Asya:
don't cry

[4:34] Tim - (L)Helen,Asya:
do that for me,

[4:34] Tim - (L)Helen,Asya:
be strong asya

[4:38] Tim - (L)Helen,Asya:
i love you

♥

[4:39] Tim - (L)Helen,Asya:
smile ook?

[4:39] Tim - (L)Helen,Asya:
if your sad, you'll make me sad,

[4:39] Tim - (L)Helen,Asya:
if your happy, i'm happy ok?

[4:39] Tim - (L)Helen,Asya:
so stay happy

[4:40] - asya (F) tim

♥

okay tim , i'll keep staying happy

[4:40] - asya (F) tim

♥

but you gotta be happy too

[4:42] Tim - (L)Helen,Asya:
i will

so many guys care about me. and keep telling me to smile, i feel spoiled . =/

they shouldn't have to care so much, it makes me feel like crap sometimes D:

tim and i are just pretty good friends, nothing going on between us.

i love andy. [:

empty

somethings missing

i wake up from my dream in shock

apparently they had tazers at my school now , as a tried sneaking out they attempted to zap me

i ran, i kept running, more and more till i was out of breath

i fell, suddenly everything, scenery went blank. you were there, i was speechless; i cried.

i couldn't move.

scenery changed again.

there was a park bench, i was laying on it.

you moved closer, i told you not to go.

you sat with me and held my hand. you smiled and kissed me.

you smelt nice, it was intoxicating.

i looked at once more, you were beginning to fade. your image, your body; split into grains of sand which flew away with the wind.

suddenly i held out my hand, trying to collect the sand trying as hard as a could, but it kept slipping through my fingers.

scenery changed again,

i was sitting behind a desk in class

everyone was happy, smiling, laughing.

i was by myself, i didn't know anyone.

a boy came in, light surrounded his figure.

his smile looked just like yours.

i closed my eyes, and then i woke up.

i hate my dreams. ):

tomorrow is school, bleh

i'm not looking forward to it

i'm rather scared.

i don't want to go overseas, things will change.

all i know is i miss you. i miss you so much that everyday i think about you.

i might not admit it, but i admit it here.

don't stop

today it's so hot.

-runs around house in short shorts and singlet-

-pours water over head-

talked to Michael, jc , Rohan, texted Tim, talked to Tim blahblahblah. etc

laptop is being retarded again AH !

talked to jacob , debra , kat, rea , JOEL !

hm slow day, but it's all good.

my headache is fading away.

need to sort out how i feel. memories making me insecure.

smiling. today I've been smiling alot. i wonder why?

i think i'll take a shower soon. to cool me off.

hopefully it won't counteract and make me feel weird though. otherwise i'll be pissed.

well not really but ya, cause its too hot to do shit !

-relaxes-

memory.

i had a dream,
i have no idea what time it was that i slept.
but my dream had you in it, im confused.
but i really loved my dream.
it felt so nice and relaxing.
but why did i choose you in there?
maybe i really did miss you so much, maybe my dream is a sign of wanting to see you.
hm or maybe its cause you were the last person i talked to last night.

in my dream i was at your house, and you were studying and i was watching you get all busy and focused and stuff. and it was a very cool dream.we sat next to eachother. it felt warm, very close. can't be bothered it explain in futher detail but yeah...i wish it was real though.
cause now i have a headache.
and that has nothing to do with what i was talking about but yeah.

hardly have any credit left shittt.
need to keep it there until like a week or something. ack.